Again she wept
by Lizella
Summary: Thoughts of a lost little girl and a lonely grown-up spy about facts and people that penetrate through her facade and force tears out her eyes
1. because of her father

Disclaimer: I do not own Jack Bristow (damn, if I could get my claws on him,.), Sydney or any other person of Alias. But if you sell them please tell me!  
...The little girl cried. She missed her mom, she missed her daddy. She knew that her mom was dead and that she would not come back. But she did not know where her daddy was and if he would return. A few days after her mom had died in a car accident, her daddy said goodbye to her. He said that he had to go to another business trip. But she knew that he lied. It was different this time, she could see it in the way he acted. He did not know if he would come back. Then he had gone. That was five months ago. And the little girl cried, because her daddy, the only person she still had, was not here and she missed him. .  
.The little girl cried. Her daddy had come back a few weeks ago. But he had changed. He was even less often at home as before, but that was not what she meant. He was different, in some way he was not her daddy any longer. Her daddy had worked a lot, but he also stayed at home and played with her and brought her ice cream. But this man seemed only to work. If he was at home with her, he was at distance and out of reach. This evening she had embraced this man in her small arms, but he had not reacted. Well actually he had but not in the way she would have thought. This man pulled away, stood up and left the room. She had run into her room and fallen onto her bed. She did not like this man. And the little girl cried, because her daddy, how he was before he became this man, was not here and she missed him. .  
. The young woman cried. She stood at the grave of her father. Around her there stood people who pretended to have known him - family (bitch), friends (betrayer),. They lied.they had not known him at all. She had learned, she understood what the little girl had not understood. She had learned to look deeper and see more. And she knew, that whatever type of relationship they had had in the past, what she felt now was plain and simple. The little girl she once had been seemed so far away. She could not understand the little girl anymore, for she had thought so different and so much more complicated. And the young woman cried, because her father was not here and she missed him. .  
Author's note: Be nice and leave a review for a desperate girl, will you? 


	2. because of her brown eyes

Disclaimer: Nobody in here belongs to me. I wish they would but someone else had the glorious idea to create them, so I am just borrowing them for a little time!  
  
Author's note: I know this has been done before, but I am really trying to make mine be completely different, although I have to admit I got the idea from a wonderful other fanfic. So please to not kill me because of that!  
Why does everyone who works at a secret agency have brown eyes? It seems just like SD-6 would only recruit people with this special eye colour! And the K-Directorate too. Do you know what I mean?  
  
Need a few examples: Sloane, Arvin - head of SD-6 - cold and calculating Dixon, Marcus - agent for SD-6; Sydney's partner - a loving, friendly family man Flinkman, Marshall - inventor for SD-6 - a small-talker and a bit naive and so many other SD-6 agents.brown eyes  
  
.but also.  
  
Espinosa, Anna - agent for the K-Directorate - intelligent kick-ass women from the other side Derevko, Irina - agent mostly for herself - mother, wife, murderer  
  
.the "bad guys" as you would say, but what about those in between the lines?.  
  
Bristow, Jack - double agent, father, husband, liar - scrutinising and intimidating Bristow, Sydney - double agent; a young woman caught because of her past - innocent and guilty .all have brown eyes.  
  
.but why?.  
  
because you can not read in them? because they do not show? hide feelings? betray? because they seem insignificant? cold? hard? and quiet? because not matter what the have the ability to remain emotionless?  
  
other people have got blue or green eyes.those are the kinds of eyes innocent people have. But for the others their brown eyes are one more sign for the secret life, like for Sydney: they are inherited, they let her remember who she is, daughter of Irina Derevko and Jack Bristow.  
  
The brown eyes of her mother, who went out of her life when she was six years old and left her to the coldness of her father; who came back only to show that love and happiness only were illusions, that they turned out to be lies and a game; who had in one way or another her daughter, her husband, father and son Vaughn and twelve CIA-agents on her conscience and killed in some sort; who sits now behind a glass window imprisoned.  
  
The brown eyes of her father, who shut down after the death of her mother and left his daughter outside of his wall; who carefully avoided every try to get closer to his only child; who banned her to a life of danger when she was just a little girl; who did everything to keep her away from her mother.  
  
Mommy - murderer; Daddy - liar both with brown eyes - just like her.  
  
She can see curiosity and friendship in Will's eyes; in Vaughn`s she finds honest understanding and (at least she hopes to find) love; in the eyes of her father she sees nothing; in the eyes of her mother she faces mixed emotions, the clearest being the look of a caged animal; in the eyes of her employer she sees calculation.  
  
She does not want to know what people see in her brown eyes!  
Another Author's note: Be nice and review! And no foul tomatoes! 


	3. just as always

Disclaimer: I do not own them, I tried, but I did not have enough money to buy that guy. But if you send be some Dollars or Euros I can scrape it together and be the lucky owner of Jack Bristow.  
  
Timeline: it is the famous (at least for me) scene at the graveyard in the first episode.  
It was just as it had always been, she was down on her knees, and crying, because she had lost, just another person who she had loved,  
  
and he stood there, in the shadows, not daring to come out of his hiding place, as if the trees could somehow cover up his presence, carefully trying not to let her get too close.  
  
Just as it had always been, she did not notice him standing there, or she chose to ignore him, and was lost in her grief, until she stood up and turned around.  
  
But maybe, just maybe, this time was not as always, because he took the step, he took the step forward, out of the shadows, so she could see him, and then he actually started to speak.  
  
Maybe it was because of their new found sharing, of the double spy life they now both lead; or maybe because both of them, could not take it much longer; or because some god had decided, to let them have a second chance of meeting; maybe, just maybe, father and daughter could start a relationship; but whatever would happen - it just had to be better, because it could not get any worse, as long as it was not as always. 


End file.
